The Cuts Run Deep
by metamorphmagus chick
Summary: Narcissa has a problem, she likes to cut. This is a look into her relationship with Lucius and how they deal with her problems. Loosely centered around Half-Blood prince. Warnings: Self-harm, Smut, Lemons, May Trigger, LMNM
1. I'm Not as Strong as You

**Title: **The Cuts Run Deep

**Author: **Metamorphmagus chick

**Rating: **M

**Words: **860

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within it. This disclaimer is for the whole story.

**Warning: **Self-harm, May Trigger, Smut (comes in a few chapters)

**Summary: **Narcissa has a problem, she likes to cut. This is a look into her relationship with Lucius and how they deal with her problems. Loosely centered around Half-Blood prince. Warnings: Self-harm, Smut, Lemons, May Trigger, LMNM

**A/N: **This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but the next chapters are longer I promise(:

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><p>"Narcissa, please stop this." Lucius whispered as he crawled into bed beside his wife. "Draco will be home for Christmas soon. You can't keep doing this in front of him"<p>

"You don't understand." she whispered, tears pouring silently down her face. "I need to do this to make me feel okay." She was sitting on the edge of their bed in a black night gown. Her white blonde hair hung around her face. She ran her wand along her pale arm and wrist as the hot, sticky, crimson liquid started to flow. It became a long thin bubble, becoming fatter and fatter.

"Cissy, I can make everything better." Lucius said to her softly. "I can make your pain go away." They both knew that he didn't know how he could do that. He got involved with The Dark Lord when he was young. Now that He was back everything was up to Him. Lucius hoped that he could make Narcissa see that he was really trying and that he would help her in any way he could.

"I'm not as strong as you Lucius. Not with Draco on a secret mission for The Dark Lord. And you being gone for days at a time. This is the only way I can handle my stress." she replied softly. The bubble of blood finally burst. Drops of blood slowly trickled down onto her moon white thighs.

"Draco and I will be fine Ciss, I promise. We'll never leave you alone." Lucius said rubbing Narcissa's back. As much as Narcissa and Lucius fought, she cared for him almost as much as Draco. So maybe they weren't in love, but they certainly loved each other.

"Cissy, I can make things better. Let's just find a way to make your stress go away. I can talk to you. We can go away for a while. Something. Anything. You just tell me what."

Lucius groaned in pain and quickly took away his hand off of Narcissa's back. "Not now," she said softly as he climbed back out of bed. "Please."

"I'm sorry Cissa." he said as he walked to where his Death Eater mask and robes lay.

"Don't go. Please!" she begged as more and more tears ran down her face.

Lucius walked over to her side of the bed. "Stand up." he ordered and she obliged quickly. He cupped her tearstained face in his hands. "The Dark Lord needs me. You know that. I will be perfectly fine. There is no need to hurt yourself, and no need to worry about me. I will be home later, I promise."

She clung to him with everything she had. "You don't know that. Don't say it."

"I'll be back in a little while Cissy." he whispered as he lightly brushed her hair out of her face. "Please don't worry about me and please don't hurt yourself anymore tonight." He softly placed a kiss on her forehead before moving back towards his robes and mask. With a loud crack, he disapparated and Narcissa was left alone.

"No!" she sobbed as she sat back down on her bed. She was having trouble catching her breath as her hot tears were mixing with the drying blood on her arms. Narcissa picked up her wand once more. She traced the closing wounds releasing a fresh wave of blood from the wounds. The same bubble came out, getting fatter and fatter until it burst and dripped down her arms. She gulped at the air as the blood flowed. She could breathe again. She felt like a giant pressure had been lifted from her chest. She was exhausted.

Narcissa lay down on the bed. Still crying she slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

o.O

Lucius stumbled back into the room around daybreak. The masked man was breathing heavily. He pulled his mask of and there was blood trickling down his face. Lucius could feel bruises were starting to form all over his body. He slowly pulled his robes off and moaned in pain as he made his way to his sleeping wife.

"Cissy, no." he whispered as he kneeled beside the bed. Lucius didn't care about his wounds at all. He wanted to help his wife. He kissed her forehead before standing back up and walking to the master bathroom to grab a towel.

Narcissa stirred on the bed as Lucius came back over. "Shh," he whispered in her ear, "I'm okay."

He dampened the towel with his wand before slowly wiping the dried blood from Narcissa. He started at her thighs where there was only dried blood, and then he moved to her arms. She hissed in her sleep as Lucius ran the rough towel over her sensitive cuts.

He was focusing on the task that he was doing when a soft voice whispered, "Lucius, you're bleeding."

"I'm okay Ciss, I'm worried about you." his deep voice responded.

"Don't. Please just lay with me until morning." she asked softly fearing rejection.

"Okay, Cissa. For you." he replied softly as he walked around the bed. Lucius climbed in and pulled his wife close.

"Thank you." she whispered as she laid a soft kiss on his lips.


	2. The First Cut

**Words: **911

**Warning: **Self-harm, May Trigger

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><p>"Can we talk about the other night? Please" Lucius said in a soft voice coming into the sitting room.<p>

Narcissa was sitting on the sofa. She closed the book that was resting on her lap. "I won't let Draco see, I don't even want you to see. I need it to escape. I need to control my stress and my pain and my emotions. You don't understand the feeling."

"There are other ways, Narcissa!" he said trying not to lose his temper. He took a few deep breaths and made his way over to the sofa, so sit down next to his wife. He pulled her close and wrapped a protective arm around her.

"No, there's not. The Dark Lord needs you and Draco. He doesn't need me, I'm not like Bellatrix!" she said on the verge of tears again. She knew there was more to it, but she didn't know how to put it into words. Cutting had been a struggle for her since her teens. She loved the feeling it gave her, loved how she could escape, and loved the control she had.

She tried to do everything. Narcissa was the type of person that wanted to please other people ever since she was a little girl. While she was at Hogwarts, she tried to please everyone. She did as much work as she could in all her classes, she tried to help out all of her friends, and she also tried to please the man she knew she would one day be married to, Lucius Malfoy. When she was at home, she also tried to please her parents and her sisters. She always felt like she was never good enough. Narcissa never got top marks from her teachers and her friends and family never seemed happy enough with her. Lucius was the worst though.

At Hogwarts, Narcissa tried to befriend the older boy. He seemed to have no interest in her though. She started to blame herself for his disinterest. Once after a particularly long day, Narcissa went back to her dormitory to find it empty. She was upset that Bellatrix had told her off in the common room in front of all of her classmates and that she had failed an essay she had spent hours working on. She pulled out a razor she had hidden for weeks.

Narcissa slowly moved the razor blade to her pale wrist. She took it and pressed it ever so lightly against her skin. There was a slight twinge of pain and then small ruby red bubbles came out of the line as soon as she lifted the razor blade. She pressed it into her pale wrist again, harder this time. She lifted the blade away as a big, dark crimson bubble formed. The bubble grew until it broke and the blood ran down onto her robes.

She immediately felt better. The ball of stress wound up inside her was gone. The humiliation of Belltrix's confrontation from earlier was gone. The worry about her grades and exams were gone. And most importantly, the hurt she felt from Lucius' rejection was gone. It was exhilarating and exhausting all at once. It wasn't even dinner yet and she went straight to sleep. Narcissa knew that it was a bad choice the first time she did it. And she knows it's still a bad choice now, but simply cannot stop.

Thinking back on this memory brought a wave of unshed tears to her eyes. "Share what you're thinking about, Cissa."

"I'm thinking about how I wasn't a good student at Hogwarts, a good daughter at home, a good friend and good lover to you." she whispered feeling that need again. "Especially not being a good lover to you."

"Cissy, how many times do we have to discuss this? I love you. And I couldn't have picked anyone better to be married to." he said looking her in the eyes.

She kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you too, Lucius"

"You need to believe me Narcissa. You're perfect." he said to her.

"That's a lie Lucius." she said. "I was never good enough. Ever."

"Cissa, when did this all begin?" he asked her softly.

"One night during my sixth year. It was a particularly rough day. You had ignored me, I failed an essay, Bellatrix was being an arse. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I did it with an actual razor though. I started doing it whenever I was stressed and it was the only way that I could have gotten through the rest of sixth and seventh year."

"This has put a serious problem in your life though Cissa. You're putting yourself in danger every time you do this." Lucius said.

"I don't want to die Lucius, I just want to escape the stress and pain. I won't cut to deep. I promise." she said holding his hands.

"Narcissa, will you please allow me to try and help you? Will you please work with me? Can we try and stop you from cutting?" he asked sincerely.

"I'll try Lucius, but it is going to be very hard until I know that you and Draco are safe. I can't control my emotions when you both are gone. And I know you want to help me, but you won't be able to if you have to leave."

"I know, but you don't need this Cissa. You can figure out something else. I promise."

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><p><strong>AN: **Happy Easter everyone! I hope you guys like this chapter, it's still a little on the short side, but the next ones are longer. I promise! I'm waiting on a beta to get the next few chapters back to me, but I don't know how long that will take. In the near future I'm probably going to go without beta's because of the amount of time it takes to write, sent, receive and edit beta's work. Let me know what you guys think(:


	3. Draco

**Words : **1,112

**Warning: **Self-harm, May Trigger, Swearing

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><p>Draco was back at the manor for Christmas. Narcissa thought he looked thinner. He was avoiding her, and she didn't like it at all.<p>

"Draco, we're having dinner tonight at six. Your mother and I will both be expecting you there." Lucius said. Draco looked at his father and nodded in acknowledgement. He then turned around and walked quickly out of the room.

"Why is he doing this?" Narcissa asked softly. "Why won't he look at me?"

"I don't know. I'll try to talk to him though." Lucius told her.

"No, I'll say something at dinner." she replied

"Are you sure?" he asked. She didn't reply.

o.O

Later, at dinner, there was an awkward silence over the table. Lucius decided to break the silence. "Draco, how has school been?"

"Fine." he answered, not looking up from his plate.

"Keeping up in all of your classes?" Lucius tried again.

"Yup." Same response.

Lucius had enough. He was tired of Draco giving this I don't care attitude to himself and to Narcissa. "Your mother wants to talk to you Draco, and you will look her in the eyes when you talk to her." he said harshly.

"What?" Draco snapped at Narcissa finally looking up.

"Why are you being like this Draco?" Narcissa asked him softly. "Why aren't you talking to your father or me?"

"Because mother," Draco drawled, " You obviously think I can't protect myself. The Dark Lord needs me, and you've got Severus Snape trying to butt into everything I do!"

"We only did that to protect you Draco!"

"Exactly! I can protect myself! I don't need Severus trying to help me and take all my glory!" Draco yelled angrily.

Lucius replied to that in a deep harsh tone, "Severus is not trying to do that and you know it. You will stop speaking to your mother like that Draco."

"I think I'm finished here." Narcissa said pushing her chair back from her barely touched food.

"No," Lucius replied in a much softer tone, "we will finish this dinner as a family." A part of him knew that it really wouldn't make much of a difference. He knew that none of them would touch the rest of their food. But, his authority in the house made Narcissa and Draco stay at the table.

No one was touching their dinner. Narcissa was pushing the food around with her fork. Draco was staring so harshly at his meat, if it were still alive, it would be dead. Lucius seemed to have a combination of Narcissa and Draco's actions.

"May I be excused?" Draco asked trying to control his voice.

"Not until you're done eating." Lucius replied.

"Why? You and mother aren't touching your food either! Why can't I just go to my fucking room?" Draco yelled at his father.

"You will not talk to me like that!" Lucius roared standing up from his seat. The chair crashed to the ground behind him. Narcissa was at his side in a second. She quickly grabbed his arm that he was raising in the air.

"Lucius, no!" she yelled pulling on his arm. The larger man could have quite easily pulled his arm out of Narcissa's grasp. But he didn't. He turned slowly to look at her, unshed tears swimming in her eyes.

Lowering his raised arm, he pulled her into a hug. Narcissa finally felt okay. She had stopped Lucius from hurting Draco. From the look on Draco's face, he appreciated her stopping Lucius. She wanted to let go of Lucius and hug Draco. Let him know she really cared, and that was the reason she was doing all of this.

All of this relief quickly drained from her as she heard a groan of pain issued from both of the boys. She gripped Lucius tighter as she heard Draco rise from his seat. "No." she begged. "No, no."

Lucius kissed her forehead as he turned to follow Draco up the stairs. Narcissa turned around and stared at the empty dinner table, with completely filled plates of food.

She held back her tears for quite a while. She slowly made her way to Lucius' fallen chair and picked it up. She stacked the plates on top of each other and carried them into the kitchen.

Narcissa hopped up on the countertop next to the sink. She pulled her legs up, rested them on the edge of the counter and leaned her head back. She really didn't want to cry this time. The Dark Lord liked Lucius and Draco, as much as He could like someone. As long as Lucius and Draco obeyed Him, they would be safe, just like Lucius was always promising her.

Narcissa sat like that for hours before sliding down from the counter and slowly walking to the sitting room. Her will to not cry was exhausting her. She wanted to lay down, but she didn't want to go to bed without Lucius.

Sitting down on the sofa, she started thinking. She thought upon all of the happy years, when all Draco wanted to do was impress her and Lucius. Lucius was tough on Draco, but never too harsh. They all loved each other, and if one was gone, who knows how the other two would survive.

When Narcissa thought back upon Draco recieving his Hogwarts letter, a tear slipped from Narcissa's eye. She quickly wiped it away but it was followed by another one.

Just one cut, she thought. Just one will make this hurt stop. She pulled her wand out and put it to her wrist. Blood ran out of the line she just traced. She felt relieved, but she wanted more. Just one more, she thought again, and then I'll go to sleep. Narcissa put the wand to her wrist again and the crimson liquid came out again.

The blood was dripping onto the sofa, but at this point she didn't care. She had magic to clean up the mess tomorrow, but deep down she knew, if Lucius found her like this, he would clean it up for her.

She made two more cuts, just as long, just as deep, before curling up into a ball on the couch.

o.O

Draco and Lucius apparated into the house in a good mood. Lucius figured his wife was upstairs sleeping, so he and Draco went into the kitchen. The Dark Lord was so pleased with them both. It was a great night to be a death eater. Lucius poured him and Draco each a glass of fire whiskey.

Draco set off for the sitting room, while Lucius closed the bottle and put it away. As he was shutting the cupboard, Lucius heard glass shatter.

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><p><strong>AN: **I was pretty sick this past week so that is why there was more of a delay in this chapter. I hope to post the next few soon. Let me know what you all think! (:


	4. Lucius Tries to Explain

**Words : **1,350

**Warning: **Self-harm, May Trigger

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><p>"Mum?" Draco asked as he heard his own glass shatter.<p>

Narcissa was lying on the couch with her hands near her face. The blood from her wrist was all but dried up; however, there was dried blood on her face and in her hair. Draco heard the sigh of his father has he came into the room.

"What's wrong with her?" Draco yelled. "What happened to her?"

"Calm down Draco. I promise you it's not as bad as it looks. Why don't you go upstairs while I help your mother? I'll be up in a little while to explain everything." Lucius said calmly.

"No! I want to know why my mother is lying in a pool of blood!" Draco yelled back at his father.

"Draco you need to go upstairs and calm down." his father replied. "Now."

Lucius and Draco both stopped what they were doing as a weak voice from the couch said, "Listen to your father Draco. I'm fine." Narcissa still had her eyes closed, but her voice was enough to make Draco turn towards the steps and make his way to his room.

Lucius watched Draco climb the staircase. He didn't realize Narcissa trying to sit up. "What are you doing?" Lucius asked her, "Lay back down, I'll clean this up."

"Lucius, I'm fine. Go talk to Draco. He needs you more than I do right now. " she said as she fully sat up. They both flinched as they heard Draco's door slam shut loudly.

"I'll give him some time to cool down, I'll help you up to our room Cissy."

"Go to him, now. He needs you. Try to be patient with him, not many people understand this." she said while he was watching her. "I'm fine, I promise. I will clean this up and meet you in our room."

Lucius looked at her, he didn't like leaving her like this. He knew she could deal with cleaning up, but ever since he found out he didn't like to let her clean up. It was bad enough she had to go through it the first time. "Are you sure Ciss?"

"Positive."

Lucius made his way up to Draco's room as Narcissa started to clean up. "Tergeo." she muttered waving her wand over the couch. She muttered it again as she pointed her wand at her wrist. The couch looked like new, and her wrist was cleared of any dried blood; however, there were still puffy pink lines starting to form scars near the other, older scars. She gingerly moved her arm, careful not to bother the cuts in any way. She walked towards the kitchen as she whispered "Reparo." pointing her wand at the broken glass. "Terego" she said again as the firewhiskey from the carpet vanished. She took the glass into the kitchen and left it by the dishes from earlier. She picked up the full glass of firewhiskey that Lucius must have left when he heard Draco. Narcissa took the glass and slowly started towards their bedroom thinking about Draco. She wondered what he must be thinking at this point. She was always afraid for him to find out about her habit. She was afraid that he would act angrily towards her or even himself. She loved Draco, he meant everything to her.

o.O

Lucius entered Draco's room after knocking. Draco was sitting on the edge of his bed staring down into his lap. He barely noticed his father walk in.

"Your mother is dealing with a lot of things right now." he said calmly. "She has a problem that she needs help to overcome."

Draco lashed back quickly. "Why is she doing this? What did you do to her?"

"Draco, your mother has struggled with this since she was at Hogwarts."

"Why didn't you guys tell me?" he yelled. "I could have done something!"

"No, Draco, you really couldn't have. I can't even do anything. No matter how much I try, she won't let me help her with this." Lucius said realizing it for the first time. "She often cuts in cycles. When she gets really stressed out or angry, she does it all the time. If she's having good days she won't. But if she's having a bad day, any little thing can make her do it."

Draco was taking deep breaths trying to calm down. "Why did it look so bad?"

"The way your mother cuts isn't to end her life, she's not trying to escape any of us. She's trying to escape her own emotions. From the things she tells me is that she feels relieved and exhausted after she does it. The cuts bleed a lot, but they never are fatal." Lucius said looking at his son.

"This is all my fault. What if she slips? What if she goes to deep?" Draco said to himself.

"Draco, this isn't your fault, I promise." his father replied reassuring himself as much as his son.

"I want her to stop." Draco said, "I need her too."

"I know you do Draco. I want her to also, but it's not that easy." Lucius told him.

"Yes it is! Just tell her to not do it! She listens to you father."

"This is different Draco, your mother needs this."

"No! She doesn't!" Draco interrupted.

Lucius was quickly losing patience with Draco as he started to lose his temper. He wanted to stay strong through this for Draco; however, Narcissa was always the one who was able to keep Lucius calm when Draco upset him. He didn't know what to do. Lucius wanted to keep his role as the supporting husband and father, but he felt it slipping from him. "Draco, you will stop yelling at me. Listen to me now," his father said harshly, "you will be going back to Hogwarts soon, you will not worry about your mother. You will focus on the task that The Dark Lord has given you. It would be nice of you to write to your mother once in a while, but you best make sure that nothing you write will upset her. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, father." he replied.

"Now, go find your mother and apologize to her." Lucius ordered.

"Yes sir." Draco said as he left the room. He walked down the hallway and headed for his parents room. The door was shut, so he figured that his mother was in there.

He knocked on the door and entered as he heard his mother's voice softly say "Come in."

"I'm sorry for how I acted earlier, mother." Draco said as he moved towards his mother. She was sitting in a chair near the bed.

"It's okay, Draco. I don't want you to worry about me when you go back to Hogwarts. Okay?"

"I won't" he said as his mother stood up and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you for stopping father earlier."

"Don't thank me, it's my role as your mother Draco. I have to protect you." she said to him as she stepped back to look at him.

"I'm sorry for yelling about what you had Severus do for me. I was stressed and angry at all of you. I just felt like you guys didn't believe in me." her son confessed to her.

"I'd rather you lash out at us than do what I do Draco." she said with a slight smile. Draco didn't return the smile.

"I'm going to get to bed I think." Draco said starting for the door.

"Goodnight, son."

"I love you mum." Draco whispered from the doorway.

"I love you too, Draco." she replied, "I always will."

Lucius passed Draco in the hallway as he made his way to their bedroom.

"I brought you this from the kitchen." Narcissa said as he entered the room. She held out his glass of firewhiskey.

"Thank you. Was Draco all right when he came in here?" her husband asked carefully taking a sip of the drink she had handed him.

"Yeah. He seemed pretty okay." she said.

"Good." he said said setting his glass down and grabbing his wife.

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><p><strong>AN: **Well, here's another chapter for you all. I will hopefully have the next one up soon and the one after that still needs beta'd. Hope you all are enjoying it. Let me know what you think!


	5. A Great Night

**Words : **1,549

**Warning: **Smut, sex (;

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><p>Draco was back at Hogwarts and Narcissa was trying to get ready for her date with Lucius. She felt like there was something else going on. They have never really went on dates. There was always something to gain from it. But Lucius insisted he just wanted to take her out. She heard a tapping on the window. Narcissa looked over to see Draco's Eagle owl with a piece of parchment tied to his foot. She made her way over to the window. The owl stuck out his foot while Narcissa untied the parchment. The owl looked at her expectantly.<p>

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to getting post so I don't have any treats for you!" Narcissa said to the owl and she ruffled his feathers. She could tell the letter was from Draco by his handwriting.

_Mum,  
>I just wanted to write to you and see how you are doing. Father told me to watch what I say so that I don't upset you. But I need to know this, do you hurt yourself because of me? Don't be upset with me asking please. Even if you don't, could you please try and not do it so often. I'm worried about you. I know I'm not supposed to think about it while I'm back at Hogwarts, but I can't help it. You're my mother, I'm scared to lose you. Anyways, school is going well, my classes are a joke though. I hope to hear from you soon.<br>Your son,  
>Draco<em>

Narcissa was surprised when she was done reading. She didn't think that Draco could care that much and she didn't tear up at anything she said. She decided to go down to her study and write back before she continued getting ready. Once in her study she found a quill, a bottle of ink, and some spare parchment.

_Draco,  
>I'm doing much better than that night before you left for Hogwarts. I'm so sorry that you had to see me like that. I do not hurt myself because of you. You need to know and remember that. You could never cause me to do those things. Thank you for letting me know your concern. If it means so much to you, I will try my hardest to not let these things get the best of me. I love you Draco.<br>Love,  
>your mother<em>

"So that's all it took, your son saying to not hurt yourself. And you agree?" a deep voice said from over her shoulder.

"Oh Lucius, you scared me!" she gasped.

"I'll send this for you." he said kissing her cheek. "Go get ready or we'll be late."

o.O

Their date was lovely. They went out to eat at a French restaurant. Lucius and Narcissa had a pleasant conversation throughout dinner, only being interrupted occasionally by their server. They sipped wine and ate their food while talking about Draco and Hogwarts. He was almost done with school and they were wondering what he would be doing after.

When they arrived back at home, Narcissa thought Lucius was acting strangely. She was suspicious that there was something more to come out of this date.

"Lucius, can I ask you something?" Narcissa said as she slipped out of her dress. She took the pins out of her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders.

"Yes, of course." he said looking at her.

Narcissa pulled on a nightgown and made her way over to his chair. "Why did we go on a date tonight?" she asked him as she sat on the arm of the chair. "It was really lovely and everything, but we don't go on dates Lucius."

He looked away, "I just kind of wanted to make up for not really having a loving relationship with you. I know you've struggled a lot with me. And I really do love you. I know I've been hard on you, and Draco. And I know things were better before The Dark Lord came back, but that was something we talked about a long time ago. I'm so sorry that I've made you hurt and worry, and I'm so sorry that I got Draco involved with everything. I just wish we had a normal relationship from the start."

He still wasn't looking at her but Narcissa was staring at him intently. She lightly put her hand along his jaw. She applied a little pressure and his face turned to meet hers. Narcissa looked into his eyes as she said, "Lucius, don't blame this all on yourself. I know you love me. I really do. And I love you too. We have had a normal relationship, all relationships have struggles."

"That's not true. This has not been a good relationship since we knew that we were going to be betrothed. And you know it." he said harsher than he meant too.

"Lucius, shh, it's okay." she said laying a soft kiss on his lips.

"It's not okay." Lucius said again.

"Yes, it is." Narcissa said as she kissed him again. This time she held her lips against his for a longer period of time so he could not argue back. She looked into his eyes and she could tell that he meant every bit of what he said. His eyes looked heavy and miserable and Narcissa didn't like that.

She pressed her mouth against his again, this time with force. Lucius was kissed by Narcissa slowly and deeply. Narcissa wrapped her arms around her husband's neck pulling him up from the chair.

Lucius pulled his mouth away as he whispered, "Narcissa, what are you doing?" She never kissed him like this.

Their mouths met once more before Lucius could get his answer. Narcissa started to unbutton Lucius' shirt as they kissed. Before Lucius realized it, his shirt was off and he was being pulled down on top of his wife. She kissed up his jaw line and placed soft, meaningful kisses down his neck. He closed his eyes as Narcissa flipped their position. She kissed down his chest to reach the white blonde hairs that trailed up to his belly button. She slowly unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down along with his boxers.

"Cissa, you really don't have to do this." Lucius said to her without looking at her.

"But I want to." she said as she took his semi-hard member into her hand. She slowly rubbed up and down a few times before taking it into her mouth.

Lucius groaned loudly at the feeling of her small warm mouth wrapped around his rapidly growing cock. It had been so long since he'd gotten any kind of sexual pleasure. Narcissa bobbed her head up and down while she gripped the base of his shaft with one hand and his balls with her other. She lightly massaged them as he let out a groan again. His eyes snapped open as he felt his release coming. He hadn't been touched by anyone in so long.

She felt his balls tightening and started sucking harder. "Narcissa." he warned, trying to lift her head up. She kept bobbing her head until he came sucking down every last drop of cum. He groaned as she finally took her mouth off of him. He pulled her up and kissed her passionately. His tongue entered her mouth tasting himself on her tongue.

Narcissa lifted her arms as Lucius removed her nightgown. Lucius flipped them back to their original position. He started kissing down her neck leaving goose bumps all over her body. He reached her breasts, massaging one while attacking this other with his tongue. He tweaked her small nipple with his hand before switching to suck the other one. She let out a soft moan as he moved down her body.

Watching his wife below him made him rock hard again. "Lucius, I need you in me." Narcissa said to him as he was licking down her body. He reached her hot and wet pussy and licked from the base to her clit. She moaned loudly and grabbed his hair. "I want you in me now." she demanded.

Lucius moved his face back up to meet hers. He kissed her passionately as he lined his cock up with her opening. Lucius thrust into Narcissa and they both let a loud moan escape from their bodies. Narcissa's muscles clenched around his cock.

"Move!" she yelled at him and he immediately started thrusting. Narcissa was tighter and wetter than Lucius could ever remember. He would have never lasted ten seconds in Narcissa if it wasn't for his previous orgasm.

Lucius massaged her breasts and pinched her nipples. Narcissa drug her nails down his back almost hard enough to draw blood. They found a perfect rhythm and were both thrusting to meet each other. Narcissa was moaning more than Lucius had ever heard her before.

"Harder!" she cried, and Lucius obliged immediately. He was violently thrusting deeper and deeper into his wife. Their bodies were dripping with sweat as Lucius continued to pound into Narcissa.

Finally, Lucius felt her muscles grip him even tighter. She screamed out in ecstasy. It only took a few more thrusts before Lucius was consumed in bliss as well.

They hadn't had a night even close to that since the night Narcissa conceived Draco.

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><p><strong>AN: **So chapter four should have been up a long time ago, I don't know why it never got uploaded. So you guys get this little treat (: first attempt at het smut (; let me know what you guys think!


	6. Another Lonely Night

**Words : **1,438

**Warning:** Self-harm, May Trigger

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><p>Narcissa was trying to keep her emotions in check for her only son. They had a few more exchanges of letters since the night that she and her husband went on that date. Lucius had also been called away for work and for The Dark Lord. He hated to leave her but he knew he had to. She struggled with him leaving and although she tried hard not to hurt herself, it sometimes got the better of her.<p>

They had recieved Draco's letter, addressed to both Lucius and Narcissa. He had written a short scribbled note with the words, I did it! Narcissa felt dread enter her body as her husband left her side to go get ready. She hoped she still had a couple of hours with her husband.

Narcissa followed Lucius from the sitting room and into their bedroom. Lucius had laid out his mask and robe on the bed. "Lucius," Narcissa said, "what is going to happen tonight?"

"Well, were going to invade Hogwarts through a vanishing cabinet at Borgin and Burkes. Draco has one last task to complete at Hogwarts tonight." Lucius said not looking up from his robes.

"Will you two please be careful?" she said as she walked up to him.

"I told you, we always will be."

"I've got to get going to Knockturn Alley now. I'll be around there until I feel the dark mark. I love you, Cissy." he said kissing her quickly.

Lucius magically shrunk his mask and robes and put them in his pocket. He looked at her one last time before he disapparated with a loud crack.

Narcissa didn't want to worry about her boys. 'They will be fine,' she told herself. She busied herself throughout the day with around the house chores. As midafternoon turned to evening and evening turned to night, Narcissa could feel her stress and anxiety levels about her husband and son start to rise.

o.O

She hated not being able to know what was going on. She wanted to know if Draco and Lucius were safe and doing what they were supposed to.

Narcissa was sitting on a sofa as night turned to morning. She watched through the window as the sun started to rise. Streaks of pinks and oranges and yellows lined the blue sky. She didn't know what else to do. She was so stressed and worried. What if Draco and Lucius got hurt? What if the other side had their forces ready? What if the Dark Lord got angry? He wouldn't think twice about killing the two people that meant the world to her. She got out her wand and held it up to her wrist. She ran in along her wrist and watched as the crimson liquid pour out.

It was different this time. She did feel the relief immediately. She was no longer stressing about her son and husband at Hogwarts; however, she wasn't exhausted like she usually was. She made another cut and realized she just wanted to keep cutting. This worried her.

She ran her wand over her arm again and again. More cuts were made and more ruby red blood flowed. This time she got really worried. She wasn't exhausted or even remotely tired. She felt like she could keep cutting until her boys got home.

Narcissa jumped up and ran to the bathroom. She stuck her hand under the faucet and ran ice cold water over her cuts. She let out a yell as the water touched her wrist. That was when she started crying, more from pain than from her emotions.

She looked in the mirror at her teatstained face. Narcissa was paler than she had ever seen herself before and she looked absolutely miserable. She slowly sank to the floor leaving the water running above her. "I don't want to do this anymore." she sobbed to herself. Although she had rinsed off her arm, some of the cuts were still leaking blood, smearing with the water on her wet wrist. She stayed like that for what felt like hours.

All of a sudden she heard three loud cracks. A million thoughts ran through her head. Could they be Draco and Lucius returning home from their mission? Then why three? Or could they be ministry officials coming to tell her hat Draco and Lucius were killed? Or locked up in Azkaban?

Narcissa slowly stood up as she ran her arm under the cold water again. She hissed in pain and turned the water off. She made her way out of the bathroom and down to the kitchen, where she heard the voices were coming from. She felt very weak, using one hand to balance herself on the wall. She moved her other hand very gingerly, trying not to irritate any of her cuts.

A bit of relief swept over her when she heard Draco's voice, and that he was talking in a happy tone. She slowly made her way through the door and three men looked over at her. She felt so happy to see Draco, Lucius and Snape standing around the counter having a drink.

"Narcissa." Snape gasped. "You look awful."

"I'm fine, Severus." she replied walking up to the counter. "I just haven't slept."

"Lucius," Snape said, "can I go get her a potion or something?"

Narcissa chimed in before Lucius could answer. "I'm fine. I really don't need anything. So tell me, how did it go?" she asked with a smile.

Draco had yet to say anything, while Lucius and Severus had looked excited when Narcissa walked in, Draco had had, and still had a somber expression on his face.

"Don't listen to her," Lucius said to Severus, "could you run and get her a blood replenishing potion? She needs that for sure, and anything else you think she might need. "

"Of course." Severus said and with a loud crack he was gone.

"Lucius, I'm fine." Narcissa said grabbing his hand.

Draco was looking at her with an odd expression. Narcissa couldn't tell if it was because of her or what happened at Hogwarts.

"Did you..?" Draco asked, but Lucius answered.

"Why don't you go get some rest and well all talk later today."

Draco said nothing but left the kitchen. There was a loud crack and Severus was back in the kitchen with a few bottles.

"I brought a blood replenishing potion, a healing potion, and a dreamless sleep potion since it looks like you're in need of some sleep. Where did Draco go?" Snape said to Narcissa and Lucius.

"Thank you Sev." Narcissa said to him. "Draco found out about my cutting. He's not handling it so well."

"Why don't you let Lucius deal with him and take these potions. You'll feel a hell of a lot better when you wake up." Severus said.

"I told Draco we would all talk later." Lucius said.

"Oh. I see." Snape said. "Do you want me to come back this evening. After you've had a chance to sleep and talk?"

"Ye.." Lucius started but Narcissa interuptedd. "No, Sev. You and Lucius have a drink. I'm just going to go lie down upstairs. Thank you for bringing me these potions."

"It was my pleasure." Severus said.

Narcissa left the kitchen and made her way back to her room. She went into her bathroom and put the potions on the counter. Narcissa looked up at her face. It looked pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. She didn't like the reflection staring back at her. She looked down at the potions Severus had brought her. She didn't want to drink them, but she knew she should. Especially after how she felt while she was cutting this time. She slowly put the first bottle to her mouth. As soon as she swallowed the small gulp she immediately felt better. The color slowly returned to her face. Narcissa picked up the second bottle. This was the one she debated about taking the most. She cut to escape, so she should have to deal with the pain of the cuts healing, right? She knew that all three of the men in the house wanted her to take the potion. Debating taking the potion she held it up to her mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. Narcissa appreciated the last potion the most. She knew she needed sleep, but couldn't bring herself to actually fall asleep let alone stay asleep. Narcissa brought the potion to her mouth, swallowed it in one gulp and made her way to her bed. She didn't even bother to get underneath the covers before falling asleep.

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><p><strong>AN: **I'm sorry it's been so long since an update! I've been super busy with schoolwork and such. I hope you all are still enjoying it. My beta was a bit confused about the events of this chapter so I'm gonna make sure you all understand this.

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><p>This chapter starts around afternoon, once Lucius gets Draco's letter, he goes to wait for the call from Voldemort. They invade the school, as they do in Half Blood Prince, during the evening as Dumbledore and Harry arrive back from getting the horcrux. Narcissa stays up all night, worrying about Lucius and Draco. When they come back, with Severus, it is around 7 AM. Lucius sends Draco to bed, telling him that they will talk later, aka that afternoonevening, after they all get some sleep. Narcissa tells Lucius and Severus to have a drink as she goes to take the potions Severus brought for her, and she goes to bed.

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><p>Well I hope you all understand better now (: and if you don't let me know. And if anyone has any ideas I'll gladly listen to them. Let me know what you guys think!<p> 


	7. Severus

**Words : **1,500

**Warning:** mentions of alcohol, boy/boy kiss (no slash)

**A/N: **So I just want to mention that I appreciate whenever someone leaves me a review and lets me know what they're thinking. I try to individually thank everyone that reviews but in case I miss any, I apologize and thank you now :)) And also, I'm not sure about this chapter. I couldn't seem to get it "just right," but let me know what you think!

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><p>Lucius and Severus each grabbed their glasses of firewhiskey and made their way to the sitting room. Severus sat down on the sofa and Lucius sat down across from him on a chair.<p>

"So," Severus said, "Narcissa is cutting again?"

"Unfortunately." Lucius said. "Only this time Draco has found out. He walked in on her sleeping, but there was blood all over. He's not handling it very well. And Narcissa can't handle Draco and me being away from home so much."

"Lucius, how is she going to respond to The Dark Lord's request?" Severus asked. "Having headquarters here? I can't imagine she will take it very well. And there is nothing you can do."

"I'm not sure exactly. I mean she will probably stress over it all. I know she doesn't want Draco or me to be involved with this anymore, but she knows we can't back out now." Lucius said. "On the other hand, it might help some because she will be able to be involved. Unless we're on missions she'll know Draco and I will be safe. She might even be able to start being involved with missions."

"I don't know if it's a good idea to get Narcissa involved with missions. I know what she was like when we were younger and I've seen her now. She's strong. She's very strong. She was strong enough to come to me and ask me to protect Draco. And she is probably strong enough to do anything to protect him. But I don't know if she's strong enough for what we do. I really don't think that she should get involved with our missions."

"I know, I know. You're right Sev. I guess I'll have to tell her though. Draco already knows so I just have to make sure I tell her before he does." Lucius said as Severus nodded. The two men sat in silence drinking their firewhiskey. Lucius got up, went to the kitchen, and returned to the sitting room with the bottle of alcohol. "More, Sev?"

"Lucius, do you realize we're drinking at 7:30 in the morning?" Severus asked.

"And does it look like I care?" Lucius replied taking a deep drink fro his refilled glass. He poured more into Severus' glass. Severus noticed that the bottle stayed completely full although Lucius had just poured two glasses out.

o.O

The men continued drinking and talking. Around midday both men were slouching on the couch drinking. Their robes were draped over the back of the couch and their shoes were kicked off on the floor. Both men had plenty of alcohol in their systems; however, Lucius had a noticeably greater amount. Although Severus had removed his robe and shoes we still looked well put together. Lucius on the other hand was slouching on the couch with disheveled clothing and out of place hair.

"This is just like when we were young Sev. Remember?" Lucius said to the younger man. "Do you miss me at all, Sev? Do you miss us?"

Severus looked taken aback. "Lucius. You're drunk you need to go to sleep."

Lucius moved closer to the younger man and replied quickly, "No, I'm not. I miss you a lot. Please come upstairs with me." He grabbed Severus' hand.

"You're wife, Narcissa, is upstairs sleeping. And at this moment she is setting a good example. That is where you should be as well."

"No." he retorted, "come with me. She won't mind."

"Why don't you lay down here and I'll come back later after you talk to Narcissa and Draco." he said as he put his hand on Lucius shoulder to try and push him back. Lucius removed Severus' hand and brought his face to the younger man's.

Severus could smell the alcohol on the blonde's breath. "Don't do this, please." he said. Lucius moved his face closer and closer to Severus until his lips brushed lightly against the other man's. Severus let Lucius' lips linger over his for a few moments until he pulled his body back.

"I know you miss me, Sev." Lucius said.

"I do." he admitted quietly. "Lay down, Lucius" he added more forcefully as he pushed the older man back. Lucius finally obliged and laid back on the couch. Severus extracted himself from Lucius. The blonde man's eyelids were already shut and Severus bet he was close to sleep. He grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and covered Lucius with it.

Severus took their glasses and the bottle back into the kitchen thinking about Lucius' kiss. He knew it really didn't mean anything. Lucius was drunk. Lucius was really drunk. And Lucius was happily married to Narcissa, well as happily as an aranged marriage could be. They truely loved each other and cared about each other. Severus and Lucius could never be what they used to be. Especially not now that the mannor would be the dark lord's headquarters. He would never stand for something like that. Severus made his way to a sitting room on an upper floor and laid down on a sofa.

o.O

Severus woke up around dusk and had to look around before he remembered why he was on a sofa and not in his bed. He sat up and put his slightly throbbing head in his hands. He felt bad for when Lucius was to wake up, for he had significantly more to drink than himself. He stood up slowly and went to see if anyone else was awake yet.

As he was making his way down to the ground level, he heard a soft voice come from a room in the wing he was passing. "Sev, is that you?"

Severus stopped and turned toward the direction of the voice. Narcissa's head peaked out from a doorway. "They're still sleeping, I just checked. Would you like to come in here talk to me for a bit?". Severus looked at her a bit longer without moving either way. "I mean you don't have to if you were heading out, or don't want to or anything."

"Sure, I'll talk Narcissa."

"Okay" she said with a smile. "Come on in here.". Narcissa pulled out a chair for Severus to sit in before going around to the other side of a long dining table to sit across from him.

"So, how have you been?" he said looking at her.

She let out a soft laugh, "Sev, you know the answer to that question. I've been awful, miserable, scared to death, worried, anxious, scared, hurting inside, hurting outside, and hurting the people around me. But I'll just say I'm okay."

"You need to focus on you, Ciss. You need to focus on yourself getting better, which you can only do by trusting that Lucius and Draco will be okay."

"I can't do that. Draco or Lucius or you could be killed any night. What if the Dark Lord decides you're not good enough anymore? One or all of you could be gone and what would I be left to do?" her eyes were watering and she looked up at the ceiling willing herself not to cry.

"Narcissa, nothing is going to happen" he assured her with a false sense of hope. "You're going to have to be strong for Draco and Lucius these next couple of months. And you need to start by showing them you don't need or want to cut."

"When I cut last night, it wasn't the same. I usually cry, cut, feel relief, then feel exhaustion and fall asleep immediately. It wasn't like that though, I was relieved the same, but I wasn't tired at all. I just wanted to keep cutting. And that really scared me." she told him honestly.

Severus studied her for a few moments before responding. "It scared you, there's some part of you that doesn't want to cut. You just need to make that part overpower the rest of you. And I know its not easy, but you can do it. I know you can." he paused again. "You need to find something else to do when you're upset. Go to Lucius, just let him hold you til you calm down. If he's not here maybe write in a journal or go for a walk until he gets back. It's little steps to start taking. And you won't be able to stop immediately, but taking small steps will change six times a week into four, and four into two and so on."

"You're killing me. You act like this is so easy." she said with a groan.

"Trust me, I know how hard something like this can be." he said softly.

"I'm debating heading home, Lucius should be awake soon and you have some important matters to discuss. "

"Important? What do y.."

"Yes. We do Narcissa." a steady voice said from the doorway. Narcissa turned around to see a slightly disheveled Lucius standing in the doorway.

"And that is my cue to leave. Lucius. Narcissa. I'll be back whenever I'm needed."

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><p><strong>AN: **And again, I'm not sure about this chapter so let me know what you think and any ideas you may have. I'm stumbling upon a writer's block!


	8. Headquarters

**Words : **1,510

**Warning:** swearing, mentions of cutting

"Narcissa, we need to talk." Lucius said.

"You're making me nervous Lucius." she said looking up at him.

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

Narcissa followed her husband upstairs to their room. Lucius took a seat on the edge of their bed and Narcissa stood in front of him.

"Sit down with me." he said to her as she complied. "I really don't know how you're going to feel about this, but The Dark Lord has requested to have headquarters for the death eaters here. In the drawing room, I presume."

Narcissa stared at her husband for many moments before she finally spoke. "And you can't say no." It wasn't a question. She knew that if The Dark Lord wanted headquarters at the manor, that they would have headquarters at the manor. Lucius nodded and she spoke again. "Lucius, I don't know if I can do this. I really don't. I'll have to sit in on the meetings, won't I? Will I have to go on missions? I can't do that!"

"Shh, calm down Ciss. I don't know what having headquarters here will entail, but you won't have to do anything your not comfortable with."

"That's a fucking lie! You know I will and you'll make me! If The Dark Lord says I have to go on missions I'm going to have to go. And if he finds out about me cutting, that will make us the laughingstock of the death eaters! It will mean more punishment for me and you and Draco. Why did you have to get involved with this? Why can't this all just go away?!" she replied with tears streaming down her face. Lucius looked taken aback. He had expected her to be upset, but he hadn't expected her to become angry. He knew that she regretted him getting involved with The Dark Lord, but at the time, that was what she had believed in too. Narcissa continued, "I just want to run away from all this. Pack up and leave! But I can't. I have to stay here and try and be strong for you and Draco. Especially now. It's hard enough to pretend to be strong in front of Draco when he's here. Now I'm going to have to be strong in front of The Dark Lord every fucking day. I'm sick of this."

"I'm sorry Ciss." Lucius said reaching out to touch her shoulder. She flinched away from him.

"Don't touch me." she glared at him.

"Why are you so angry?" he asked her softly.

"I don't know." she snapped back at him. "I really don't. I'm thankful that you and Draco and Severus are back and safe but I'm angry. I'm really angry. I cut myself last night and it wasn't the same. It scared me. A lot. And I don't want that feeling again. Maybe I'm mad because it wasn't the same, maybe I'm mad because it made me not want to cut right now. Because that's what I feel like I should be doing right now."

"It's good that you don't want to cut right now, Cissa. It really is." he replied to her softly.

"I don't like it. It would make me a hell of a lot calmer right now. And instead I'm taking it out on you."

"But that's okay!" Lucius exclaimed. "I can handle it Ciss, that's what I'm here for. How many times are you on the other end of my anger outbursts? And how many times have you stopped me from hurting Draco? That's something to be ashamed of Ciss. You take your anger and sadness out on yourself and I take mine out on you and Draco. I'm so much worse than you."

"No you're not Lucius. I cut myself! That's pathetic. I hate myself for it and I wish I didn't do it. Especially now that we're having headquarters here. It's going to be so hard for me." Narcissa said as her tears slowed their tracks.

"You'll be okay. I'll be next to you the whole time."

"When's the first meeting?" she asked dreading the answer.

"A week from yesterday."

"I'm going to take a shower, and then I'm going to try and get some more sleep." she said softly, rising from their bed. "Have you talked to Draco?"

"No, but I will go do that now. Would you like to sleep alone tonight?" he asked her.

"No, if you don't mind." Narcissa said without looking at him.

"Of course I don't mind. I'll see you in a little bit." he said standing up and heading for the door.

o.O

"Come in." Draco replied to the knock on his door. Lucius entered and waited for Draco to sit up from his bed.

"Can we talk, Draco?"

"I'm not talking about mother if she's not in here too. I'm sick of her cutting and you trying to explain it to me. I want to hear it from her." he said lying back down on the bed.

"I didn't come in here to talk about that." Lucius lied. "I wanted to say that the last few days have made me realize that I take out my anger on you and your mother. And I wanted to apologize for the way I've treated you growing up. I know that I've been tough on you, but you know the reasons for that." Draco sat back up to look at his father. "It is not my place to ever punish you to some of the severity I have, and I'm sorry for that. Now, with headquarters being here and our first meeting in less than a week, all three of us have to trust and help each other get through this. No one can find out about your mothers cutting. Understand?" Draco nodded. "Just because we're hosting headquarters does not mean The Dark Lord will treat us any different or give us any leeway. It might make his treatment of us even worse. We have to work really hard to get through this and stay strong as a family."

"Does mum know?" Draco asked.

"Yes, I just told her. She got angry more than upset, which actually surprised me, but she is taking a shower and then her and I are going to talk more about it."

"Okay, will you tell her that I would like to speak to her about yesterday please?"

"Yes, son." Lucius said as he stood up to exit the room.

o.O

Narcissa entered Draco's room quietly.

"Draco," she whispered, "Are you awake? You're father said you wanted to speak to me."

"Yes I am." he replied sitting up. "You can sit down."

"What happened at Hogwarts yesterday, Draco?"

He would not look her in the eyes as he replied. "I was supposed to kill Dumbledore, but I couldn't. Severus did it instead."

"Oh, Draco!" she gasped as she pulled him into a tight embrace. Narcissa felt her son relax into her. "I'm so glad you didn't kill him!"

Draco pulled himself away from her, "But I was supposed to. When The Dark Lord finds out he's going to be angry. I'm going to get all of us in trouble."

"Draco, it doesn't matter. Dumbledore is dead, that is all He cared about for last night. He doesn't care who kills who as long as he is the one to kill Potter."

"Do you really believe that?" Draco asked her and she nodded. "Father came in here earlier. I think it was to talk about you, but I told him I didn't want to hear it, so he started talking about something else. I've realized the fact that you need to cut, and I know that I alone can't stop you from doing it. I don't want you to do it, but I know you need it. I'm scared to lose you and I'm scared of what will happen with headquarters here."

"Draco, I'm really going to try and stop cutting. I cut yesterday while you guys were gone and it was different. It scared me. And I'm going to try and remember that feeling so that I don't cut again. I don't know if it will work forever, but I'm going to try for now. Have you slept at all today?"

"Not really." he answered.

"Okay, why don't you try and get some sleep. We'll have dinner as a family tomorrow, okay?" Narcissa told him as she stood up.

"Okay. I love you, mum."

"I love you too, Draco."

o.O

"How was he?" Lucius asked as Narcissa climbed into bed.

"Okay, scared and worried. But I know he'll be strong with us. I told him I'm trying to stop cutting, I just hope he believes me." she said looking at Lucius.

"I'm sure he does. He always believes you better than me."

"What did you talk to him about today?" Narcissa asked shutting her eyes.

"I apologized for how I've treated him growing up and told him we all have to be strong with headquarters here."

"I'm glad." she said drifting off into sleep.

**A/N: **So I'm on my week break from college and thought I'd update this lovely little story. Hopefully my fall semester will give me a little more free time than summer! I hope to post a few more chapters. Please please please let me know what you think :))


	9. A Week

**Words : **1351

**Warning:** swearing, mentions of cutting

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><p>"As I was saying," continued Voldemort, looking again at the tense faces of his followers, "I understand better now. I shall need, for instance, to borrow a wand from one of you before I go to kill Potter."<p>

The faces around his displayed nothing but shock; he might have announced that he wanted to borrow one of their arms.

"No volunteers?" said Voldemort. "Let's see . . . Lucius, I see no reason for you to have a wand anymore."

Lucius Malfoy looked up. His skin appeared yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

"My Lord?" "Your wand, Lucius. I require your wand." "I . . . " Malfoy glanced sideways at his wife. She was staring straight ahead, quite as pale as he was, her long blonde hair hanging down her back, but beneath the table her slim fingers closed briefly on his wrist. At her touch, Malfoy put his hand into his robes, withdrew a wand, and passed it along to Voldemort, who held it up in from of his red eyes, examining it closely.

"What is it?" "Elm, my Lord," whispered Malfoy" "And the core?" "Dragon—dragon heartstring." "Good," said Voldemort. He drew out his own wand and compared the lengths. Lucius Malfoy made an involuntary movement; for a fraction of a second, it seemed he expected to receive Voldemort's want in exchange for his own. The gesture was not missed by Voldemort, whose eyes widened maliciously.

"Give you my wand, Lucius? My wand?" Some of the throng sniggered. "I have given you your liberty, Lucius, is that not enough for you? But I have noticed that you and your family seem less than happy of late . . . What is it about my presence in your home that displeases you, Lucius?"

"Nothing—nothing, my Lord!" "Such lies, Lucius . . . " The soft voice seems to hiss on even after the cruel mouth had stopped moving. One or two of the wizards barely repressed a shudder as the hissing grew louder; something heavy could be heard sliding across the floor beneath the table. The huge snake emerged to climb slowly up Voldemort's chair.

It rose, seemingly endlessly, and came to rest across Voldemort's shoulders; its neck the thickness of a man's thigh; its eyes, with their vertical slits for pupils, unblinking. Voldemort stroked the creature absently with long thin fingers, still looking at Lucius Malfoy.

"Why do the Malfoys look so unhappy with their lot? Is my return, my rise to power, not the very thing they professed to desire for so many years?"

"Of course, my Lord," said Lucius Malfoy. His hand shook as he wiped sweat from his upper lip. "We did desire it—we do."

To Malfoy's left, his wife made an odd, stiff nod, her eyes averted from Voldemort and the snake. To his right, his son, Draco, who had been gazing up at the inert body overhead, glanced quickly at Voldemort and away again, terrified to make eye contact.

o.O

Narcissa followed Lucius into their bedroom after the rest of the Death Eaters had left the manor.

"You okay?" she whispered as he sat down on the bed.

"No! I'm not okay. He knows that we are unhappy with having headquarters here. It's been getting worse and worse the meetings started here. He thinks that Draco isn't good enough. And he's taking things out on Draco because of things that I have done. He's going to find out about you too! I can't do this anymore!" Lucius shouted at her.

She moved next to him and started lightly running his hand over his back. "It's going to be okay. No matter how this all ends it's almost over. We'll be fine. We'll make it through this." She put her hard inside of her robe and grabbed her wand. "Here, you can have mine for now."

"No!" he snapped at her. He moved his hand forcefully, knocking her wand to the ground. "I don't want your wand! I want my wand! I just want to be able to go to work and come home and function in this house like a fucking family!"

"Lucius…" she started.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. Go away." he said quickly.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said softly, "if you want my company stay in here. I won't force you to talk. If you don't want to be with me for a while, go cool down, and I'll be in here when you're ready to see me." Narcissa turned around and eyed her wand on the floor. She debated picking it up, but she decided that she didn't want to use it to cut, and that she needed to show Lucius that she meant the offer that she made.

Narcissa got in the shower thinking about the past couple of weeks. She didn't like having headquarters in the drawing room but she knew that she couldn't do anything about it; however, knowing what was happening with all of the missions helped her. She knew who was doing what and how long they should be gone for. When Lucius and Draco were sent out, she knew exactly who was with them and what they were supposed to do. Narcissa felt bad for Lucius. The stress was getting to him worse than anyone. Lucius' behavior kind of threw her off earlier. She knew that he was bound to be upset from the way the Dark Lord had acted earlier; however, she didn't expect him to reject her so forcefully.

Narcissa stood under the hot stream of water until the mirror was all foggy and the rest of the room was steamy. Shutting off the water, she grabbed a towel and slowly started drying her body off. She grabbed her nightgown and pulled it over her head before running a comb through her hair.

Lucius was lying on their bed, still fully clothed, facing away from the bathroom door. Her wand was on their nightstand. "I'm sorry I told you to go away and I'm sorry for throwing your wand. I didn't mean it. I just felt like taking my anger out on you, and I knew I didn't want to." he whispered as Narcissa walked toward him.

She sat down on the bed and placed her hand lightly on her back, carefully judging his body movement. "It's okay, Lucius. I could have taken it."

He rolled over to face her. "No, you couldn't have. I haven't been that angry in a really long time. I didn't want to hurt you, and if I would have started I don't know when I would've stopped. And you shouldn't have to take it either."

"Lucius, I'm stronger than you think." she said. Narcissa always felt like if someone was going to take their anger out, it should be on her instead of someone else, especially Draco.

"Narcissa, I should never want to hurt you. Hurting you to get out my anger should never even cross my mind. It's fucked up. Are you sure you want me to have your wand?" he replied to her.

"Yes. I can borrow it or even Draco's if I need to do work around the house. Although, the Dark Lord has been making others do everything that needs done around here. And it's not so much of a temptation if I don't have it. I'm trying to do better Lucius. I haven't cut myself in a week."

"Really?" Lucius asked seriously as she nodded. "Ciss." He pulled her into a hug. "I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry that I haven't been paying attention to that. I feel like I should have noticed."

"No, you shouldn't have. It's not good that I do that. I don't need rewarded because I'm not doing it anymore. Ever since that night it was different, I decided I really don't want to do it anymore. I'll need your support when I get upset, but not on good days.

"Ciss, we can get through this together.

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><p><strong>AN:** Hope someone is still waiting for this update. I think there's going to be one more chapter of this story. And I have a lovely little plot bunny in my head for a new story. Let me know what you think!


	10. Advice

**Words : **1291

**Warning:** mentions of cutting

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><p>"Did you know that Potter wasn't dead?" Draco asked his mother after they were back at the manor. They had walked away before they had even seen what had happened with the Dark Lord. News had travelled fast and the Malfoy family had soon heard his tragic fate.<p>

"I asked him if you we're still alive." Narcissa replied to her son.

"And he told you I was?" he asked.

"He did, and I knew that all I wanted him to defeat the Dark Lord once and for all. And he did." she said with a smile.

"But the Dark Lord could have killed you if he found out you lied to him!" Draco exclaimed.

"Draco," Lucius interrupted, "can I have a word with your mother?"

"Sure." he replied, "I'll be in my room."

Lucius watched Draco retreat out of the room and then he turned to Narcissa. "I can't believe you risked everything to try and defeat the Dark Lord. I would have never had the courage."

"It wasn't hard," she replied with a smile, "I knew Draco was alive, and I knew that Harry Potter could do it. I made myself suffer long enough with my own problems. I was ready for the suffering for everyone to be over."

"I'm so proud of you. I can't believe that you have come this far, you've been struggling with that for so long." Lucius said to his wife.

"I never want to put myself through all that pain again. I have went through good spells before, but I think I'm not going back this time. I love you with all of my heart, and I hope that you will help me through my bad days."

"I love you too, Cissa." he grabbed her hands and looked her in the eye. "I want to support you each and everyday. If you need to talk I will be here for you. I know it won't always be easy but I know that we can make it. I want Draco to grow up and get married, to whoever he wants and to show the world that the Malfoy's are not the same people who supported Lord Voldemort."

"I want that too." she said as she pulled on his hand to lead him to their room.

o.O

Five years after the Final Battle at Hogwarts, Narcissa sat outside in the garden having brunch with Lucius, Draco and his fiancé Astoria.

"Mrs. Malfoy, would youmind taking a walk with me around the garden. I would like to talk to you about a few things." Astoria said when conversation had died down a bit.

"Of course." replied Narcissa.

Astoria was a nice and polite young woman that Draco had started bringing around. Narcissa had made sure that Draco knew that he could be with anyone that he wanted. To Lucius' pleasure she was a slytherin from a pure blood family. Narcissa couldn't be happier that Draco and Astoria were getting married so soon. She could see the love that Draco had for this girl already.

As they walked away from the men at the table Narcissa started the conversation, "What do you need, Astoria? You can tell me anything."

"Well, it's kind of a long story, and Draco wasn't sure if I should ask you about it or not" she replied quickly. Narcissa just watched her until she spoke again. "Draco and I are thinking about having a child, and I know its really soon and we probably should wait until after the wedding to even start talking about it but that's not the thing I'm most worried about. I sometimes harm myself, and when I told Draco that real thoughts of starting a family stirred up the thoughts and urges to harm, he said I should come to you. But he was also afraid of what you might say to me or to him about it."

Narcissa walked a few more yards with Astoria before responding, "well I'm disappointed that Draco would be worried about you coming to me, but I can talk to you about this. Why are thoughts of a baby making you want to hurt yourself?"

"I dunno." she replied looking at the ground, "I guess because I really do want to start a family but I don't think I can do it. I don't think that I am good enough."

"Did Draco tell you why he thought you should talk to me?" Narcissa asked looking into the eyes of the younger girl that was reminding her more and more of herself everyday. Astoria shook her head. "I used to cut myself too, and I think that you need someone like me to tell you things that I wish someone had told to me. "

"You used to cut?" Astoria gasped with her eyes wide. "That must be why Draco took it so well. I was so afraid to tell him, because no one understands."

"Let me ask you this, since you and Draco have started talking about starting a family, have you hurt yourself?" Narcissa asked. Astoria shook her head. " Then tell me, why do you think you will start hurting yourself again?"

"I think because I'm scared." Astoria said looking at the ground. "Of not being good enough."

"Well you will be a great mother, and Draco will help you as a parent in ways that you don't realize. Draco has a special bond with Lucius now. But when he was young Lucius was not a very good father to him and I know that Draco does not want to be his father in that way. As for the cutting, if you haven't done it yet, don't give in to the temptation. I haven't cut in years now and I still struggle with the urge. I know that you can do it. A good friend once told me that I have to do something until the urge goes away. Let Draco know that you want to and let him hold you until that urge goes away."

"Do you really think I'll be a good mother?" Astoria asked looking at her soon to be mother-in-law.

"Yes, honey. And I can't wait to have you as part of this family." Narcissa said as the Malfoy men came back into view.

"Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy."

"Call me Narcissa or mum, seriously. And remember, if there's something you don't think you can talk to Draco about, send me an owl. I'll respond back or even Floo right over. Whenever you need to talk."

"Thank you so much." Astoria said with a small smile.

o.O

Later that night Narcissa was laying in bed with Lucius.

"What did Astoria want to talk about?" Lucius asked his wife.

She looked up at him for a few seconds before answering, "She told Draco that thoughts of a family with him gave her the urge to hurt himself and he told her to come talk to me about it; however, he didn't tell her why she should talk to me about it."

"That's interesting," he replied, "That little girl reminds me so much of you, I only wish that I could have treated you like Draco treats her."

"You're fine, Lucius." she said with a smile. "She also told me that he took it really well when she told him about it, I guess all the anger he went through when he found out about me made him realize how he shouldn't act towards her. I'm so glad he will be able to help her though."

"I agree completely. They are going to a pleasant addition to our family. Does this mean that grandchildren are in our near future?" Lucius asked.

"Well that's sure how it sounded." Narcissa chuckled.

**La Fin**

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><p><strong>AN I hope this wasn't too disappointing as I last chapter! I'm starting another story about a sensitive topic that I hope you all enjoy; however, I'm not going to post it until I have the whole thing typed (or at least most) I believe! I don't want everyone waiting like they did in this story. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. **


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